This part of my life, I like to call choosing

Someone once told me "Happiness is a choice. You have to choose it"

I want to choose it.

I want to live a life of choices. Choices based on desire, need, authenticity - who I am and what I stand for, and finally creative expression - because I want to strive to be more.

It's not about appearances because I fool no one, especially NOT myself. I can 'appear' to be carefree and that 'cool' girl, but eventually, that will get the better of me. Being and appearing is so very different.

I want to be better. I want to be better for me. I want to be better because I want it.

Now comes the hard part. How?

How?

I'm going to sleep on it. For now.

No more waiting.

This ain't the movies baby, you can't fool me. Your words are empty and they don't move me no more. I wish it didn't have to be this way.

No baby I won't chase you but soon I will replace you. I wish it didn't have to be this way.

You ain't no good to me, you're just my poetry from now. And it's clear to see, you're just temporarily around. Still you keep coming around, playing the part, you're flipping the script and faking your heart. You're coming around, playing the part, flipping the script, faking your heart.

Sometimes I think I'm crazy for ever loving you. I took my chances and look what happened: I'm the one to lose. What's the point of this drama that's taken so much of me. I'm better off without you. Honest. You got the best of me.

You ain't no good to me, you're just my poetry for now.

It's a Shame. It's a Shame.

You won't change. You won't change.

You won't change.

Pit Stop

Let's stop for a bit. I've been walking for days and I need to rest. Let's stop. Let's turn around and have a look at the distance I have covered. This:

Love~ I want this...
Number 1 - my first love. 3 years of both ends of the spectrum. i fell hard. and then then four years on.....
Lesson learnt - my self-worth
Number 2 - my rebound. *shudder* this was a mistake.
Lesson learnt - don't doubt myself and what i want
Number 3 - a random. 2 months of happiness...while it lasted.
Lesson learnt - i can't do casual, i'll always want more
Number 4 - a friend. 2 months of compatibility, laughter and inspiration.
Lesson learnt - you cannot force what's not there
Number 5 - an artist. 15 hours. a fleeting connection in passing. i fell hard.
Lesson learnt - i want this feeling

Career~There's no such thing as 'having it all' but I know what my priorities are..

突然發現我站了好久，我累了
I've suddenly realised I've been standing for a long time. I'm tired.

I want to rest my head for a bit....

. ?

I dreamt of you last night. You called me.

My arms are sore from holding out the platter with my heart on it. Please relieve me of it.

I thought I was different, but I am the same. And now you're inked into me. Indelible.

Stop.

Cease your crazy ramblings you madwoman.

It was but a fleeting moment of truth. One which you must be grateful for. It was enough. Now leave it.

Leave it.

Leave it.

Leave.

*slam*

I've just closed one dead-end door......and about to walk through a new door.

I think it's time.

Lions, tigers and bears, oh my~

If the elephants have past lives,
Yet are destined to always remember,
It's no wonder how they scream,
Like you and I, they must have some temper.

And I am dreaming of them on the plains,
Dirtying up their beds,
Watching for some sign of rain
To cool their hot heads.

And how dare that you send me that card
When I'm doing all that I can do.
You are forcing me to remember
When all I want is to just forget you.

If the tiger shall protect her young,
Then tell me how did you slip by.
All my instincts have failed me for once
I must have somehow slept the whole night.

And I am dreaming of them with their kill,
Tearing it all apart,
Blood dripping from their lips,
And teeth sinking in to heart.

And how dare that you say you will call,
When you know I need some peace of mind..
If you had to take sides with the animals,
Won't you do it with one who is kind?

If the hawks in the trees need the dead,
If you're living you don't stand a chance.
For a time, though you share the same bed,
There are only two ends to this dance.

You can flee with your wounds just in time,
Or lie there as he feeds,
Watching yourself ripped to shreds
And laughing as you bleed.

So for those of you falling in love,
Keep it kind, keep it good, keep it right.
Throw yourself in the midst of danger,
But keep one eye open at night.