Day 100.

Day 100.

Be still my silly heart.

This needs to be over. Part of me wants you to know how it feels to want something you can't have.
But this self-destruction needs to stop somewhere.
Mr N. says so.

I've been running round and round in circles and still I can't seem to work it out
in my head.

I need a friend tonight. Just a friend.

Why do I find it so hard to give them a tug on the sleeve to say
'please sit with me for a minute'?
For that reason, I cannot blame anyone but myself.

Unfortunately, what I put up as a defense mechanism - a stoic disposition,
has worked against me.
This has come to be seen as a hardness that does not deserve
a soft word here, a shoulder there and a silent hum of compassion.
Yes, the 'hard' word is good, character building even, but why has it been forgotten that I am a girl
and sometimes even I just need a 'soft' word.

Sometimes I simply want to be asked "are you ok" and
sometimes I want to be able to answer 'no, i'm not' and that's ok.

"I'm sorry I can't be that soft friend that you need right now...I'm trying but nothing comes to mind"

Oh well. I'll be fine eventually. I always am.

x

Lions, tigers and bears, oh my~

If the elephants have past lives,
Yet are destined to always remember,
It's no wonder how they scream,
Like you and I, they must have some temper.

And I am dreaming of them on the plains,
Dirtying up their beds,
Watching for some sign of rain
To cool their hot heads.

And how dare that you send me that card
When I'm doing all that I can do.
You are forcing me to remember
When all I want is to just forget you.

If the tiger shall protect her young,
Then tell me how did you slip by.
All my instincts have failed me for once
I must have somehow slept the whole night.

And I am dreaming of them with their kill,
Tearing it all apart,
Blood dripping from their lips,
And teeth sinking in to heart.

And how dare that you say you will call,
When you know I need some peace of mind..
If you had to take sides with the animals,
Won't you do it with one who is kind?

If the hawks in the trees need the dead,
If you're living you don't stand a chance.
For a time, though you share the same bed,
There are only two ends to this dance.

You can flee with your wounds just in time,
Or lie there as he feeds,
Watching yourself ripped to shreds
And laughing as you bleed.

So for those of you falling in love,
Keep it kind, keep it good, keep it right.
Throw yourself in the midst of danger,
But keep one eye open at night.

S.T.O.P

It's so easy in this world we live in now to forget the very thing that makes us human. So many expectations are imposed on us by those that surround us and by ourselves.

At times it seems a very cold world ruled by precedence, by logic, by rigid information, by rationale and a proven thought process.

No - there's no time for hard feelings, negative feelings or warm fuzzy feelings for that matter. In a world that doesn't want to know - we only have the luxury of feeling fine. No more, no less.

But we do feel. We feel.

We feel fine.