Day 100.

Day 100.

Be still my silly heart.

This needs to be over. Part of me wants you to know how it feels to want something you can't have.
But this self-destruction needs to stop somewhere.
Mr N. says so.

I've been running round and round in circles and still I can't seem to work it out
in my head.

I need a friend tonight. Just a friend.

Why do I find it so hard to give them a tug on the sleeve to say
'please sit with me for a minute'?
For that reason, I cannot blame anyone but myself.

Unfortunately, what I put up as a defense mechanism - a stoic disposition,
has worked against me.
This has come to be seen as a hardness that does not deserve
a soft word here, a shoulder there and a silent hum of compassion.
Yes, the 'hard' word is good, character building even, but why has it been forgotten that I am a girl
and sometimes even I just need a 'soft' word.

Sometimes I simply want to be asked "are you ok" and
sometimes I want to be able to answer 'no, i'm not' and that's ok.

"I'm sorry I can't be that soft friend that you need right now...I'm trying but nothing comes to mind"

Oh well. I'll be fine eventually. I always am.

x