Growing up~

This chapter of my life, I like to call "Growing up".

I'm now living and working abroad. In Taiwan to be exact. Quit the corporate world, quit the rat race and doing something that is slightly more personally satisfying.

Here lies the journey to growing as a person, learning about myself, seeing the world and myself from a new and different perspective. One that may be good and one that may be bad.

Will I survive? Of course I will but where/how and what? Who knows.

The goal? To concentrate a little on pushing myself, on discipline and learning to be better. Is that not we strive for on this Earth? To become a better person and hopefully inspire a couple of people to want to do the same along the way?

I'm disappointed with myself as I haven't been as adventurous as I'd hoped. I don't think I've thrown myself head first into the thick of it.

I want to pick up yoga, chinese classes, salsa, possibly some martial arts and to spend my time seeing Taiwan and not drinking Taiwan. Ok. I need to put a plan together.

So this is my journey to 'having it all'. Watch this space.

Autumn...

The leaves are failling, falling as if from far up,
as if orchards were dying high in space.
Each leaf falls as if it were motioning "no".

And tonight the heavy earth is falling
away from all other stars in the loneliness.

We're all falling. This hand here is falling.
And look at the other one. It's in them all.

And yet there is Someone, whose hands
infinitely calm, holding up all this falling.

~Rainer Maria Rilke

U-turn

Here I stand. Again.

Why do I get myself in these messes? He's just a guy.

I promised myself that I would be ok. Going to let it go. Obviously he doesn't consider me a friend, and even that...he doesn't consider me as. So be it.

No expectations~

I certainly had an interesting yet fantastic night on Thursday. It was the first time out with the girls and it was fun.

For some reason it's almost a relief when I'm not out with my normal group of girls because there's no fear or judgment or insecurities around what they'd think if I drank too much or spent too much time talking to one guy. It's strange because I know for a fact that they won't judge - we've touched on this topic before but still, it's almost as if I want to keep my selfs separate. No strings attached. With those girls or those boys.

I'm far from what you'd call uninhibited. In fact, I'm quite uptight and well controlled. I guess it comes with the premises of always striving for perfection. It's tiring.

I met an unassuming boy. I hadn't really noticed him before. Well, I think I had but disregarded him thinking he wouldn't be interested. Well, he was and what a nice guy. Nice boy, nice-looking, an awesome conversation - a fleeting moment of connection.

*It is here that I congratulate (?) myself for adding another experience into that nicely wrapped box of mine on the wooden shelf*

We didn't exchange numbers, I didn't give him a chance. But I prefer it this way. I know myself enough to know that I'll probably get it all twisted, wondering why he hadn't texted or if I should text him etc etc so we shall leave it as his. And I wish him well on his travels and thank him for the moment we shared. It was sweet.

I am what I am, and it ain't that bad

Learning to be comfortable in my own skin. It could be a full-time job!






Met a hot Brazilian surfer on Friday night. I found his shyness extremely appealing.

Dream

She's absolutely gorgeous.....

The wheels on the bus go round & round

There's a lot going on in the world today. Seaquake = Tsunami in Samoa, American Samoa, Pacific and our East Coast. 100+ dead.

Heavy floods in Manila. He's ok. I'm relieved. I think of him every now and then. Although I know now how much I have learnt about self-worth. Well, one would think anyway!

Treat them mean, keep them keen. Does that even work? Did that even work? All I wonder is why I let it go on for so long. I guess I'm a sucker when it comes to that.

Why do I choose to manage people? That is the hardest, most draining jobs ever. Do I even enjoy it?

Oh yes please, a hug would be nice. Thank you.