"The Unbearable Lightness of Being"

Time is a funny thing. It has such power over us and oh how it toys with us. We think we have all the time in the world. We don't. And as time passes, the things we used to strive for, things we used to covet - we no longer want. It dictates how we live and what we want. It doesn't matter if it's right or not. It simply is.

Time.

At 20, I thought I was invincible. I was going to conquer the world. At 21, I asked for time and time was what I got but have I moved ahead? At 22, time was focused on moving up the corporate rung. At 25, I'm asking for more time. Climbing the corporate ladder no longer seems that important.

Funny how priorities change. Funny how childhood emotions can have such an impact on a now adult life.

I'm bothered. It bothers me.

I miss my dad. Do I feel deprived of love? I'm not sure. I certainly feel deprived of something. Something that is all my own. Dad was all my own. He was mine. I never had to compete for his attention or to seek his approval/validation. I'm tired of all that. I feel like I'm looking for someone to fill his place. I don't believe I have found that person yet, not in the last 17 years I have been searching. Someone who can give me a hug that will make all the bad melt away.

I need looking after too. It's a bit difficult if no one knows that. Or in my case, see it.

Only the bad seems to make it here. I wish it wasn't so. I want to share happyiness/goodness too. I just need to find it t.